i make my wife cry by being myself

I feel very alone tonight. my wife is asleep next to me, and i am typing this on my phone. we had a  big discussion last night, and it came out that i keep my true self hidden from my wife. i guess somehow that fact was lost on her somehow. she knew that i go non-verbal, and tick, and dont like being around people, that i talk monotone and repetatively, that my interests are narrowed, and highly focused, and that those things started making her cry sometime after we got married, and i had to put all my efforts into not doing those things anymore. i am exhausted by always trying to be somebody im not. im starting to think that i can only keep it up for so long. im just so tired of pretending.  i told my wife that i loved her, but that i was always putting on a character for her, saying the things i knew to say in certain situations, and that -i was hoping in that moment of honesty that we were sharing last night, that i would be able tobe honest, and tell her that it was all too much for me; unfortunately, it turned out she just started sobbing again, so i turned my fake personality once more, and  she cheered back up, and seemed to forget all about what we had just talked about, and that i had been putting on a facade, she just started needing reassurance, in that moment when i felt that reassurance for me may have been nice, for a change. anyway, i guess thatms all i have to say; well, that and that at the time, we were watching "temple grandin" -a fantastic film that truely captures what it is to have high-functioning-autism, and i highly reccommend it. - just dont watch it with your loved ones with whom you act differently, because it just shines a light on all the things you cant hide, and all the ways you do a poor job pretending, and makes your loved ones cry and feel horrible....also, please excuse the poor spelling and grammar in this post, as i stated before, im on my cell phone. -thank you for reading.