Tights, take three: more of my history before my diagnosis.

Yes, we are delving deeper into the story regarding my wearing tight clothing; I know it's getting redundant, but it feels good after all these years to talk about it, and I really want to make sure that people know that having this compulsion can be a perfectly natural part of having an ASD; it doesn't make you gay, or unusual, it makes you autistic, or means you have sensory issues, I just don't want people to experience the shame and discomfort I experienced growing up if they don't have to.

I have always been compelled to wear tight fitting clothing, though I never knew why, I can remember as a boy of age 4 seeing my female cousin in a leotard, and being overcome with a desire to wear one, I was ashamed and didn't understand why I had the desire, (There but for an early diagnosis go I) I spent the rest of my childhood with the desire, My sisters swimsuits, leotards, tights, stretchpants, figureskating costumes, if it was anything tight, I was drawn toward it; I never acted on the compulsion, and never told anyone about it.

In my Teen years, This developed into a paraphelia, I would steal leotards, tights and things form laundry hampers, and even closets and dressers. I would wrap myself from head to toe in Tights and nylons; but not knowing why I was initially drawn to such things, and being a Christian, this always seemed somehow extremely dirty.
I knew I was not a transvestite, nor was I gay; I wasn't appealing because it was Taboo, or because they were women's clothing, It was appealing because tight clothing would give me a feeling of compression, help me with establishing myself in space, and providing the deep touch theraputic bennifits I craved, but didn't understand why; Therefore, the only rational explination for me, was it must be dirty.

It was durring my teen years, while endulging this phellia online that I discovered Zentai. I wanted so desperately to own one, but I NEVER figured I would. Once I was diagnosed with AS, I was suddenly free from personal , mental oppression to try all kinds of new things, I first raided a box of my sisters old clothing at my parents house, gathering up Leotards, tights, tight shirts, and long gloves. I wore them around the house whenever I was alone, and even slept in them, which proved VERY effective at helping with my insomnia.

Next, I bought compression clothing, which had also previousely felt oddly "Kinky" I still felt wierd buying it in the sporting goods store. (Despite my very fit physicality) I then bought a divesuit,. Following this, I left for School for a few months; Upon my return, I bought my own, new tights online, and then I remembered the full body zentai, and realized I too was now free to purchase one.
It took a little time for all of these things to not feel sexual, after my years of building them up to be some kind of inherently sexual and kinky things, but I am completely comfortable wearing most of these things without feeling odd or sexually arroused at all by them.
I have not worn leotards or cloves since that initial experience, and I think it would still feel odd. I don't think it should though, They did offer a nice feeling of compression accross my torso. I just don't like the wide cut at the neck, and they still feel very effeminate to me.

I do not find any of things to be sexual. I found them to be sexual in my teen years, simply because of shame. The fact that I didn't understand either sex, or my infatuation particularly well, meant they both carried that same awkward, "Tabboo" dirty feeling, and they got all mixed up together while I was trying to make sense of them, after all, there are plenty of people who do find them sexual; and it seemed only rational to me, from a logical, objective viewpoint, that I MUST find them arousing as well. In retrospect I can see that this was not the case, and it was simply me, trying to justify emotions and compultions to myself which were diffucult for me to understand not having all the facts at the time.

BAck to the primary topic:
I have mentioned before, that the feeling of Zentai is unique; it's not like having tights on all over your body. It isn't as constrictive (unfortunately) and it lacks the feeling of pressure that Compression clothing, and Leotards provide; Though I think if I buy one a little thinner, I might have better luck with the compression. They do however provide a feeling of all over, consistant, tactile sensation, and do an amazing job of muting out the world. I highly recommend them to anybody with sensory integration issues, or ASD.

-Following the conversation-

I appologize for the long gap in posts (Not that anybody reads this blog anyway) but I have been a bit busy recently.


I recently had a conversation with my ex-girlfriend, She wanted explinations as to why I had broken things off.
I felt that she didn't take my Autism seriousely; she always told me that I used it as a crutch, and an excuse. This hurt me because it was clear how little she realized the struggle it is for me to come across as "normal." With anybody else, that is a compliment, but she had seen me out of the world, when things are more "Normal" for me. Which is VERY ABNORMAL for most people. She's seen me freak out in public, she knew the kinds of things we needed to avoid for me to function. She was always accomedating, but somehow, she still felt I was.....I don't know, maybe faking? or something, I'm not exactly sure what her thought was exactly....

The point of this post however is to focus on the conversation we had, and the fact that I couldn't follow a thing she was talking about; My mind wanders, even in situations which, I know are important and imotional, I was quoting movie lines, Counting, and quoting automotive facts in my head the whole time.
I was honest about what was on my mind: I told her what I was thinking, when she asked me. Turns out, this wasn't the best idea. Not that it really matters what was said since we had broken up, but I still didn't want to hurt her feelings.
-Unfortunately, I did.

I'm not tactfull, I'm not sensitive, I don't say the right things.....Don't get me wrong; I'm happy with myself, but sometimes, It would be nice to say the right thing. I have an extensive vocabulary, and I am quite elequent, but I just can't say the right words. Compound that by the fact that I was raised to be the type of person who "Keeps it in" and you have a mess of awkward conversations and insensitivity.

Wow, It's been a while sonce I posted.....not that anybody's reading in real time anyway.

Here is another topic important to understanding the ASD:

I am a man of Obsession. I'm Not Obsessive-Compulsive, I just develop fixations, I have no control over what I develop fixations toward. They can come and go. one day I will be completely obsessed with a thing, then the next day, It will be irrelavant, and immaterial to me.


The types of things upon which I fixate can varry wildly; Anything from movies, and history, to machinery or music.
I need my fixations, They help me have purpose. When I have no obsession, I feel out of sorts, confused, and bewildered. Redundant? Yes, but it illustrates my point. I currently have no obsession. It's odd; When I'm fixated on something, it gives me more focus in all aspects of my life.
I feel a strange and unique connection to whatever it is over which I am obsessing; It consumes me. Not to the point that it gets in the way of my life, just that I become so attached to, and fascenated by it, that it's all about which I can think, and The only thing I want to discuss. I will spend all my free time pouring over resorces concerning that topic, I will fashion myself into an expert, knowing all aspects of it out of hand; not because I particualarly, conciencousely want to, but because I am compelled in a way which I don't think most people could understand. After establishing a superior knowledgebase regarding my topic (whatever it may be) I will promptly......forget it.
Yes, It will completely leave my mind, and I will not be able to remember, or keep straight the facts which I have been studying and obsession over so much. It's almost like my brain is making room for the next onslaught of unformation regarding the next topic over which I unwittingly become obsessed.

I don't know why, really. All I know is that is what happens.

Forgive me for not being more elequent, or covering the topic more, but I'm not in a particularly conversive mood at the moment. I'm sure this is yet another topic which will undoubtedly come up again, and I will extrapolate on it further then.

Dealing with Tactile issues, and discussing Zentai

Zentai is the name of stretchy, tight, bodysuits that cover you entirely, from head to foot.
They are usually Considered fetishwear, but are also worn for other reasons, comfort, costumes, and for something which completely eludes me, Team Pride at sporting events sporting events. However another reason is for Deep Touch Pressure Therapy, and people with tactile issues.
I bought one two days ago, The feeling is amazing.
It provides gentle consistant pressure over the entire body, even the hands and feet. I would suggest getting one with the zipper inside-out, that way you can turn the suit inside-out, and the seams will be on the outside, and therefore won't be bothersome - if you, like I, have issues with the seams on clothing.
I have always worn my shirts, socks, and underwear inside out, or cut the tags out of everything which cannot be turned insite out.

While we're on the subject, I have started wearing only "comfort soft" underwear. No Tags, no seams, and no exposed elastic. So Nice.
I don't know how many people actually notice those things, but I definately do. Comfort soft underwear seems to be MADE for people with ASD's and Sensory issues.

Back to Zentai, It's amazing how calming it is wearing one of these suits. all other physical stimuli are completely drowned out, just like wearing Compression clothing, or Tights, only without the distraction of waistebands, and shirts riding up; plus, as an added bonus. you get coverage over the hands, feet, and head. This might be too much for people with claustrophobia, but I find it very nice.
For people whom might find a complete suit claustrophopic, there are dance stores online which sell Unitards, with hands and feet, but no head coverings. Also, you can get them with exposed hands, or obviousely, with no hands, feet, or head covering. These are also often called Catsuits.
Just as with Zentai, these products are often worn for Fetish/Sexual reasons, and you may need to make yourself look past that, and remember that this is for non-sexual, medical porposes.

Another product used for tactile, and deep pressure therapy is something called a "Silly-Sack" it's a lycra/spandex square sack with a zipper along the back. The same company which makes Silly-Sacks, also makes tight, spandex/lycra blankets, and swings. All these products are for deep touch therapy, and for people who have a hard time establishing their place in space.
I have a hard time with spacial management. I lean against walls whenever I can to feel the pressure, and I sleep on couches so more of my body is being touched at a time.

Personally, I have never used SillySacks, Swings, Or Sheets, but I can understand the appeal. I prefer more mobile applications of the theraputic methods.
Compression clothing, Unitards, tights, divesuits, and now zentai. I can wear these under my clothing, and mute out the tactile sensory input from my clothing, and provide the pressure I need to help me focus, and get through my day.
If I slept on beds, I would definately buy one of those pressure sheets, They sound really nice, and effective.

My advice is based on personal experience, and what I recommend may not work for you, and your specific situation, but it may be worth a try. I reccommend starting out with something inexpensive. Maybe a pair of soft tights, to give it a try. If you find that tights are effective for you, you may try something else.

WARNING: If you are male, and have a problem with wearing tights, but give it a try anyway, YOU WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE. Trust me; give it time wearing them in your home, to become comfortable with just the idea of wearing tights. Once you get past the mental discomfort, you will be able to focus on the physical.

Questions can be e-mailed to me; I will not publish your emails, but I would be happy to help with any questions you may have.